Hail to the King.....
AAAAAAYYYYYYY!!!! Bing here with a shout out to a peep.
the names have been changed to protect the guilty
I got a buddy o' mine...let's call him Frank. Frank is the kinda guy you wanna kick back and drink some beers with or just hang out. You never have to worry about him getting too crazy or starting any trouble, its just simply not his style. But don't assume that makes him boring...boring he ain't folks.
I met Frank in college, when he was this wet behind the ears little vagrant just trying to fit in like the rest of us. At first I didn't pay him much attention (people come and go you know) but that was before "King Frank" joined us. King Frank was born one night at a party in Eunice's (more on her later) apartment on campus. You see there was this one chair Frank just HAD to sit in. If he came in and someone else was in it he would either muscle them out of it or he would just stand around until the "chair offender" got up to use the facilities or whatnot. Either way he was gonna get his chair.
Naturally, this was not to everyone's liking but there are bigger concerns for a room full of college kids than the subtle social graces of chair calling (i.e. Beer, boobies, avoiding the authorities, etc). Well one night all four came together in the coronation of the King Frank. Picture it...I'm sitting on the cooler beside the aforementioned King (then only a lowly peon) when he decides to exercise his quite sizeable mean streak (did I fail to mention that? I'll try to elaborate later). "Hey dude!" he says, "I'll bet you a dollar you can't make it another ten minutes without having to go to the bathroom." Well the 7 or 8 beers I had were raising serious concerns in the Senate of Bingness but I figured what the hell its only a buck.
What followed were ten minutes of that shithead poking at me and telling jokes and talking about his leaky faucet that dripped all night and so forth. He was doing anything to make us laugh, including taking the cardboard box an 18pack had been packaged in and wearing it as a crown, loudly proclaiming "I am King Frank and this is my throne!!!" History is sketchy on who exactly won the bet because before the ten minutes were up there was a loud banging at the door. The cops had arrived. Being the only person of legal age in the room I decided it was best to use my invisibility ring to avoid detection, alas I could not get it on in time due to the frantic, and quite obvious I might add, hiding of cans and bottles prior to the opening of the door to chat with the nice policepeople. Fortunately Eunice was at the door before I was called into duty. God Bless you Eunice (she's the one with the boobies....well her and some guy named Charles but that's a WHOLE different story)
Well Frank quickly composes himself and sets his can down where it cannot be seen and along with all the other fear stricken college kids......answers with a lot of "Yes Sirs" and "No sirs" when asked questions by the officers. Apparently the cops were ready to go home that night and relax because they left us with a lenient yet stern warning to keep the noise down. Well the entire time this was going on there was King Frank proudly sitting on his throne.....and STILL wearing the crown o' beers
Frank you see has the the uncanny ability to remember the most embarrassing things other people do and never let them forget those things. Case in point....have any of you ever heard the phrase "It takes a tough man to make a tender chicken"? My memory is chock full of holes and lapses but the functional neurons don't have any files on that phrase in my head....until King Frank. You see one night I either said that phrase or something close to it. It is much more likely it was something closer to "Take a rough hand to do that finger pickin" ( I was an amateur guitar player at the time). But no, Frank was on his holy crusade....so to this day that phrase haunts me, I swear I never said it nor had I ever heard it, I mean I don't think along those lines that would create such a phrase (i'd love to) but it doesn't matter, the evil King beat me to the punch on that one.....and it wouldn't be the last time either......
Well Frank and I decided to do the roomate thing after college. So let's fast forward to the glory days of 725A. This place was the ultimate bachelor pad, it stank, there was always beer in the fridge, and a few ladies even stopped by for the night a few times. We had every type of geek gear we needed. We had the playstation and had even hooked up our computers together to play games. Our first game of choice was Jedi Knight, each of us were Jedi in training with that thing...we'd fight against each other for a few hours several nights a week after work until the evil mean streak in the King came to the surface. You see....I was trying to be the noble Jedi skillfully dispatching my foes with the graceful yet lethal cuts of my custom yellow lightsaber. I got to be very good at it too, a true "force" to be reckoned with. However, even a Jedi cannot stand against a dirty evil little shit that runs in circles around you while dropping LAND MINES at your feet...all the while laughing maniacally from down the hall in his room. Once he found the land mine trick I never won another fight......poor little Jedi guy.......But I was not to be so easily beaten. I chose another battlefield to avenge the death of the little Jedi man with the cool custom yellow saber, Mortal Kombat.
To those not familiar with the game it is your basic fighting game. Each player controls a fighter and each fighter you can chose from has several special moves that they can perform. Everything in the game (back then) was based on learning the key presses to do what you wanted to do. It was extremely frustrating to learn how to play but once you got to even a minimal level of competence you were hooked on it.
Once again I sought to make my little fighter guy the most gifted and talented martial artist that our playstation console had ever seen. I learned all the moves and was able to do them with my eyes closed I was so practiced at it. I was ready for the evil King......At first it was an absolute slaughter, I almost, ALMOST felt sorry for Frank. Until he developed a new trick far, far more annoying and effective as the land mine thing. You see, before the game would even load you could hear Frank over there violently pushing the kick button on the controller. As soon as the game screen came up there was Frank's guy jumping all over the place and kicking me in the face. It took two buttons to do the move and it was the only move he would do, and he did it over, and over, and over, and over,and over.....and it ALWAYS worked.
We dubbed the move a "Ramsey"** and to this day no one likes to play games with Frank. And why should we? He always cheats....and wins at it too!!!
But, nothing lasts forever..I eventually moved out and got married. Sometimes I wish I could go back and spend one more night at 725A........just to be able to play those games with my buddy one last time, either that or to get up at 4am and wake up the King with a gentle bucket of ice water and a nice soothing air horn.
It's been almost 10 years and he still hates it when someone gets in his seat and yes, he still cheats at mortal kombat......bet you that dollar I never got that he still has his crown too.
Everyone drink one for King Frank!
next up is this crazy guy we call Slapp
-Bing
*not our name, it was actually in a MK book somewhere, so credit to them.
the names have been changed to protect the guilty
I got a buddy o' mine...let's call him Frank. Frank is the kinda guy you wanna kick back and drink some beers with or just hang out. You never have to worry about him getting too crazy or starting any trouble, its just simply not his style. But don't assume that makes him boring...boring he ain't folks.
I met Frank in college, when he was this wet behind the ears little vagrant just trying to fit in like the rest of us. At first I didn't pay him much attention (people come and go you know) but that was before "King Frank" joined us. King Frank was born one night at a party in Eunice's (more on her later) apartment on campus. You see there was this one chair Frank just HAD to sit in. If he came in and someone else was in it he would either muscle them out of it or he would just stand around until the "chair offender" got up to use the facilities or whatnot. Either way he was gonna get his chair.
Naturally, this was not to everyone's liking but there are bigger concerns for a room full of college kids than the subtle social graces of chair calling (i.e. Beer, boobies, avoiding the authorities, etc). Well one night all four came together in the coronation of the King Frank. Picture it...I'm sitting on the cooler beside the aforementioned King (then only a lowly peon) when he decides to exercise his quite sizeable mean streak (did I fail to mention that? I'll try to elaborate later). "Hey dude!" he says, "I'll bet you a dollar you can't make it another ten minutes without having to go to the bathroom." Well the 7 or 8 beers I had were raising serious concerns in the Senate of Bingness but I figured what the hell its only a buck.
What followed were ten minutes of that shithead poking at me and telling jokes and talking about his leaky faucet that dripped all night and so forth. He was doing anything to make us laugh, including taking the cardboard box an 18pack had been packaged in and wearing it as a crown, loudly proclaiming "I am King Frank and this is my throne!!!" History is sketchy on who exactly won the bet because before the ten minutes were up there was a loud banging at the door. The cops had arrived. Being the only person of legal age in the room I decided it was best to use my invisibility ring to avoid detection, alas I could not get it on in time due to the frantic, and quite obvious I might add, hiding of cans and bottles prior to the opening of the door to chat with the nice policepeople. Fortunately Eunice was at the door before I was called into duty. God Bless you Eunice (she's the one with the boobies....well her and some guy named Charles but that's a WHOLE different story)
Well Frank quickly composes himself and sets his can down where it cannot be seen and along with all the other fear stricken college kids......answers with a lot of "Yes Sirs" and "No sirs" when asked questions by the officers. Apparently the cops were ready to go home that night and relax because they left us with a lenient yet stern warning to keep the noise down. Well the entire time this was going on there was King Frank proudly sitting on his throne.....and STILL wearing the crown o' beers
Frank you see has the the uncanny ability to remember the most embarrassing things other people do and never let them forget those things. Case in point....have any of you ever heard the phrase "It takes a tough man to make a tender chicken"? My memory is chock full of holes and lapses but the functional neurons don't have any files on that phrase in my head....until King Frank. You see one night I either said that phrase or something close to it. It is much more likely it was something closer to "Take a rough hand to do that finger pickin" ( I was an amateur guitar player at the time). But no, Frank was on his holy crusade....so to this day that phrase haunts me, I swear I never said it nor had I ever heard it, I mean I don't think along those lines that would create such a phrase (i'd love to) but it doesn't matter, the evil King beat me to the punch on that one.....and it wouldn't be the last time either......
Well Frank and I decided to do the roomate thing after college. So let's fast forward to the glory days of 725A. This place was the ultimate bachelor pad, it stank, there was always beer in the fridge, and a few ladies even stopped by for the night a few times. We had every type of geek gear we needed. We had the playstation and had even hooked up our computers together to play games. Our first game of choice was Jedi Knight, each of us were Jedi in training with that thing...we'd fight against each other for a few hours several nights a week after work until the evil mean streak in the King came to the surface. You see....I was trying to be the noble Jedi skillfully dispatching my foes with the graceful yet lethal cuts of my custom yellow lightsaber. I got to be very good at it too, a true "force" to be reckoned with. However, even a Jedi cannot stand against a dirty evil little shit that runs in circles around you while dropping LAND MINES at your feet...all the while laughing maniacally from down the hall in his room. Once he found the land mine trick I never won another fight......poor little Jedi guy.......But I was not to be so easily beaten. I chose another battlefield to avenge the death of the little Jedi man with the cool custom yellow saber, Mortal Kombat.
To those not familiar with the game it is your basic fighting game. Each player controls a fighter and each fighter you can chose from has several special moves that they can perform. Everything in the game (back then) was based on learning the key presses to do what you wanted to do. It was extremely frustrating to learn how to play but once you got to even a minimal level of competence you were hooked on it.
Once again I sought to make my little fighter guy the most gifted and talented martial artist that our playstation console had ever seen. I learned all the moves and was able to do them with my eyes closed I was so practiced at it. I was ready for the evil King......At first it was an absolute slaughter, I almost, ALMOST felt sorry for Frank. Until he developed a new trick far, far more annoying and effective as the land mine thing. You see, before the game would even load you could hear Frank over there violently pushing the kick button on the controller. As soon as the game screen came up there was Frank's guy jumping all over the place and kicking me in the face. It took two buttons to do the move and it was the only move he would do, and he did it over, and over, and over, and over,and over.....and it ALWAYS worked.
We dubbed the move a "Ramsey"** and to this day no one likes to play games with Frank. And why should we? He always cheats....and wins at it too!!!
But, nothing lasts forever..I eventually moved out and got married. Sometimes I wish I could go back and spend one more night at 725A........just to be able to play those games with my buddy one last time, either that or to get up at 4am and wake up the King with a gentle bucket of ice water and a nice soothing air horn.
It's been almost 10 years and he still hates it when someone gets in his seat and yes, he still cheats at mortal kombat......bet you that dollar I never got that he still has his crown too.
Everyone drink one for King Frank!
next up is this crazy guy we call Slapp
-Bing
*not our name, it was actually in a MK book somewhere, so credit to them.
posted by Broben at 2:38 AM
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