Don't make me Slapp
AAAAYYYYYYYYY
Bing here with another peep to talk 'bout
Imagine if you would a mad scientist combines genes from Fonzie, Barney Fife, Big Bird, and Screech (the dorky kid from Saved by the Bell)........the result is someone we call "Slapp".
99% of the people you meet in your life will fit into some category. I know plenty of dumbasses, tough guys, ditsy girls, businessmen/women, rednecks, and even a few "good people".....but there is only one Slapp.
Slapp is the guy you never want to go into public with. There is no telling what he will say or what he's gonna do. You are just as likely to hear him say the f-word in church as you are to see him spill a slushy on Santa at the mall. He doesn't do it on purpose or to attract attention or even for your benefit, he just seems to attract awkwardness like fire attracts a moth. He's tall, lanky and his ears could be wings, he walks with a strut that bodybuilders adopt because their arms are too big to hang straight down, Slapp however has the arms of an 8 year old girl with asthma.
Before you paint the mental image let me add this.......
I've never seen a woman shoot this guy down, and I've seen him talk to the hottest looking thing in the room. The ladies love him, can't get enough of him it seems......must be nice.
Oh, did I mention he got his black belt in record time? One day he just up and decided to take martial arts...no real reason for it, no trouble brewin', he just wanted to learn something new. 30 minutes later it seems the boy had a black belt and the respect of his teacher (now that little guy was a BADD-ASS!!)
Think of a cat, they always land on their feet...just like Slapp
but, sometimes they do the dumbest shit........just like Slapp
My first impression of Slapp (not his real name...although the origins of the nickname are in dispute) was that his glasses were so thick you could almost see the back of his head when looking him in his eyes. My second impression was "Why the hell are all the girls over there talking to that guy?"....folks I ain't kiddin' it is truly a sight to behold. Back when I was single I wasn't bad with the girls, in fact at times I was quite the charmer. But Slapp was like a three legged blind puppy, they saw him and forgot I was even in the room. 2 days later he was telling bedroom stories and so were the girls. I learned real quick never to go to a bar with him.
Lemme tell you a story...
Slapp, some friends, and I were once leaving a church service (wedding) when I called shotgun before he had the chance to get it out. "You dumb mother-fucking redneck!" he screams.....30 feet away was a rather large group of rather large men...all with mullets and all talking about fishing and hunting...until they heard Slapp, then they began to walk towards us with what can only be described as bloodlust in their eyes. Of course the driver who's heritage I was questioning quite loudly refused to drive off until Slapp and I had put on our seatbelts. I was in the front seat...when it was over I was wearing my seatbelt, the remaining belt in the back and one from the car parked next to us. The men were at the door as we drove off.
When Slapp wasn't trying to get us all killed he did provide us with a wealth of stuff to pick on him about...and never once did he get upset or offended, we could say anything about him we wanted to but that was it. He always said the f-word in front of parents and then hit on their daughters by telling them how much he puked after getting drunk the night before , yet every Mom or Dad that met him thought he was the greatest guy in the world.
Bing here with another peep to talk 'bout
Imagine if you would a mad scientist combines genes from Fonzie, Barney Fife, Big Bird, and Screech (the dorky kid from Saved by the Bell)........the result is someone we call "Slapp".
99% of the people you meet in your life will fit into some category. I know plenty of dumbasses, tough guys, ditsy girls, businessmen/women, rednecks, and even a few "good people".....but there is only one Slapp.
Slapp is the guy you never want to go into public with. There is no telling what he will say or what he's gonna do. You are just as likely to hear him say the f-word in church as you are to see him spill a slushy on Santa at the mall. He doesn't do it on purpose or to attract attention or even for your benefit, he just seems to attract awkwardness like fire attracts a moth. He's tall, lanky and his ears could be wings, he walks with a strut that bodybuilders adopt because their arms are too big to hang straight down, Slapp however has the arms of an 8 year old girl with asthma.
Before you paint the mental image let me add this.......
I've never seen a woman shoot this guy down, and I've seen him talk to the hottest looking thing in the room. The ladies love him, can't get enough of him it seems......must be nice.
Oh, did I mention he got his black belt in record time? One day he just up and decided to take martial arts...no real reason for it, no trouble brewin', he just wanted to learn something new. 30 minutes later it seems the boy had a black belt and the respect of his teacher (now that little guy was a BADD-ASS!!)
Think of a cat, they always land on their feet...just like Slapp
but, sometimes they do the dumbest shit........just like Slapp
My first impression of Slapp (not his real name...although the origins of the nickname are in dispute) was that his glasses were so thick you could almost see the back of his head when looking him in his eyes. My second impression was "Why the hell are all the girls over there talking to that guy?"....folks I ain't kiddin' it is truly a sight to behold. Back when I was single I wasn't bad with the girls, in fact at times I was quite the charmer. But Slapp was like a three legged blind puppy, they saw him and forgot I was even in the room. 2 days later he was telling bedroom stories and so were the girls. I learned real quick never to go to a bar with him.
Lemme tell you a story...
Slapp, some friends, and I were once leaving a church service (wedding) when I called shotgun before he had the chance to get it out. "You dumb mother-fucking redneck!" he screams.....30 feet away was a rather large group of rather large men...all with mullets and all talking about fishing and hunting...until they heard Slapp, then they began to walk towards us with what can only be described as bloodlust in their eyes. Of course the driver who's heritage I was questioning quite loudly refused to drive off until Slapp and I had put on our seatbelts. I was in the front seat...when it was over I was wearing my seatbelt, the remaining belt in the back and one from the car parked next to us. The men were at the door as we drove off.
When Slapp wasn't trying to get us all killed he did provide us with a wealth of stuff to pick on him about...and never once did he get upset or offended, we could say anything about him we wanted to but that was it. He always said the f-word in front of parents and then hit on their daughters by telling them how much he puked after getting drunk the night before , yet every Mom or Dad that met him thought he was the greatest guy in the world.
Either way, when the shit hits the fan I want this guy guarding my back.
-Bing
posted by Broben at 8:05 PM
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